A Practice to Include In Your Circles
Context
In all but one women’s circle I’ve been a participatant in since 1999, the approach to sharing has been to let sharing happen organically, where only those who speak up get the floor. This approach fosters neither equity nor inclusion, regardless of the facilitator’s intent. This post offers an alternative.
What ‘equity and inclusion’ mean in this context
It's quite simple: in the circles I facilitate — and what I'd love to see all sharing circles incorporate — is the practice of holding space for the same amount of time for each sister, whether she chooses to share with words or silence.
By ‘true equity and inclusion in sharing,' I also mean that sharing does not occur popcorn style but rather moves around the circle beginning with the sister who volunteers to share first.
This is not a formal exercise in DEIB (diversity, equity, inclusion, and belonging); it's simply about creating an equal playing field for everyone to share.
It's also never about forcing anyone to share who doesn't want to share; it's simply about witnessing and holding space for every sister present.
Why this matters
Let me explain by means of my own story. I’m an introvert with a wee bit of social anxiety. When I’m in a group — no matter how safe I feel in that group — I tend to sit back and let others share first.
In nearly ever circle I’ve ever sat in that wasn’t facilitated by me, the facilitator opens the circle for sharing. There is usually an awkward moment before the first sister shares. And then — like clockwork — the first few sisters collectively take up the majority of the time available for sharing. So then the remaining sisters — usually the more introverted ones — either shorten their shares or pass altogether because of time constraints. I am that sister.
It is frustrating to feel like the only way I can take up space is if I’m willing to disrespect the remaining sisters’ opportunity to share. It is also frustrating to experience facilitation that favors the extroverts and those who take up more space than what’s equitable. And, it’s frustrating to leave a sharing circle without having a meaningful opportunity to share.
But when the facilitator ensures that each and every sister receives the same amount of time to share, she demonstrates through her actions that she values equity. And when the facilitator has a practice of holding space for each sister — whether she speaks or sits in silence — each sister gets to take up space and be witnessed. This creates a far more powerful experience for everyone, but especially for the sisters like me who might not otherwise feel comfortable taking up space.
That is all.
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View the lineup of circles and other upcoming events and join me and other incredible humans like you who yearn for a space to belong, be witnessed, and revered as you already are.
Hi! I’m Kristi.
I help women & genderqueer folk liberate themselves from capitalism’s self-blaming hamster wheel of “mindset work”, bootstrapping, and “never enoughness” while navigating life’s day-to-day challenges. This work is, ultimately, about helping humans move into deeper integrity with who they truly are so that they can flourish and contribute meaningfully to our collective liberation. Click here to learn more.
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