I’m Always Struggling With This
Overview
Something I struggle with ALL THE FREAKING TIME is that I'll throw myself into a new project—with wild abandon, no less! — and then completely reverse course (or even drop it altogether) a short while later.
My friend, I've done it again. I'm not even going to tell you what project it is this time, as I'm embarrassed and as there's no overarching need to do so.
But I have been reflecting on it all and recognized a pattern that underlies many of my abandoned projects.
The pattern:
It begins with an idea that excites me so much that I immediately dive headfirst into it without giving it time to percolate.
Because I don't give it time to percolate, I don't immediately recognize that something about it isn't aligned (timing, capacity, financial, etc.).
The lack of congruence eventually unveils itself to me.
I realize that to continue forward isn't an option. At least not right now.
The thing is that I simply cannot override soul incongruence with rationality.
It's the reason I've quit jobs without a safety net. It's why I gave away my possessions and pitched my tent next to a tipi at The Minnehaha Free State. And it's why my latest project is now in the compost bin.
As much as I share about checking in with my inner guide, I don't always listen to her. Or, I let my own excitement drown out her voice. Or, I don't ask the best questions. Or, I interpret her responses through the lens of my excitement rather than what's actually being shared.
I may even be doing it now, with a new project I've started. Perhaps I ought to check in with her...
When I look at my Human Design profile (1/3), I'm following it perfectly (it's the 3 line, aka the 'martyr' line). But when I consider that I'm a Reflector and that my strategy is to wait a lunar cycle before making big decisions or taking on big projects, it's pretty clear to me that I'm not following my strategy.
I struggle with the whole Human Design thing because I find it damn near impossible to patiently wait a freaking month for ideas to incubate. And yet, had I waited a month before I dove into my most recently composted project, I wouldn't have undertaken it at all...and the amount of energy I invested in it might have been diverted to something more aligned.
Sigh. The '3' line in my profile seems to be in direct odds with my strategy. Go figure.
It wasn't my intention to drag Human Design into this, but it happened. And that's interesting because as much as I love Human Design and find it incredibly helpful in understanding how I'm wired, I will always defer to my inner guide rather than to a system that someone else channeled from light beings in a hotel (or something like that).
[Noting that in the case of my latest composted project, it would have behooved me to have deferred to either rather than neither.]
Circling back to myself, I guess that's my cue to channel my inner guide about my latest undertaking. TBD whether I reveal it to you, I suppose! Anyway...
Now circling back to you, friend…
Do you do things that you quickly regret or otherwise compost? Do you invest your time or money in things that aren't all that congruent with your values or circumstances?
Do you have a relationship with your inner guide? Do you consult with her before making decisions? Can you hear her responses?
If you answered 'yes' to the first group of questions or 'no' to the second and would like to check in with her (or him or them), here are two approaches you can test-drive:
Check in with your body. Notice any physical sensations of expansion or contraction, then — if more clarity is needed — hold alternative choices in your minds eye and see how these physical sensations shift.
Channel your inner guide. Ask her/him/them a question, then start writing or typing without thinking. For me, this works best when I'm typing with my eyes closed! For you, it may look totally different.
Once you have this important intel about what's in congruence with you, you will be better equipped to make choices that you don't regret later — choices that don't find their way to the compost bin because they were never really aligned.
That is all.
Hi! I’m Kristi.
I help women & genderqueer folk liberate themselves from capitalism’s self-blaming hamster wheel of “mindset work”, bootstrapping, and “never enoughness” while navigating life’s day-to-day challenges. This work is, ultimately, about helping humans move into deeper integrity with who they truly are so that they can flourish and contribute meaningfully to our collective liberation. Click here to learn more.
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